Who is Terrorizing TCC?

Who is Terrorizing TCC? by Ryann Asban


You see them around campus. They lurk along the waters of the pond, waiting for the right moment to fly over your head and catch you by surprise. They walk along the grass, sometimes in front of the Pungo building and sit their butts on the grass in between the Kempsville and Virginia Beach building. Their poop is the reason you have to step carefully on the no longer immaculate sidewalk next to the VB building. They are the reason you can’t look at the lawn outside the Bayside and Pungo buildings without seeing something that resembles a dried up, king-sized Tootsie Roll. That’s right. You know what I’m talking about. Geese.

Let me tell you, these geese are the worst thing about going to TCC. They always come in packs, never alone, and their little butts are in the way when I’m trying to take a nice stroll on a pleasing sprinter (that is, spring and winter because Virginia has no real winter anymore) day. How am I supposed to take my time walking through campus when there are tens of geese urging me to move along and honking uncontrollably? Let’s face it, the honking isn’t actually uncontrollable, they know what they’re doing.

When I signed up to go to this school, I didn’t think that I had to beware of the geese every time I needed to walk across campus. I didn’t think that I would see the day that geese outnumbered the number of people who show up to TCC. In all actuality, I think the geese come to school more than half of the people who were in my Philosophy class last semester.

The only fun thing about the geese is that I can send snaps of them waddling along to my friends on Snapchat. I think TCC is the only campus that has wandering geese, so my Tech and JMU buds get a laugh out of it. The thing is, though, is that these geese are “Canadian” geese, I believe? If they are “Canadian” why are they not in Canada? If Canada is a real place with the love of my life Justin Trudeau as Prime Minister, then why are these geese not there living it up with free healthcare? Someone, a.k.a. Mr. Trump, needs to tell these non-citizens that they need to go back to where they came from since their status is “Canadian” and not American. These geese are the only non-citizens I’ll allow deported out of this country.

Question to think about: How are we supposed to trust an animal whose plural isn’t “gooses”?

Challenge of the day: Think like a goose. Be bold, don't give a flapping feather what others think and honk your horn as loud as you please.

5 Responses

  1. Anon Goose
    This is a very inspiring article. The goose community is impressed by your words of wisdom regarding our species. Let me, however, make one thing clear. Us geese are far superior than any human ever to exist. We reign supreme. We own TCC and that will never change. You will live with our poop and you will like it.
    • thecurrenteditor
      Hello Mr. or Mrs. Anon Goose! We are so glad you enjoyed our article. I know Ryann worked very hard on it! Considering that you claim to own TCC, would you consider lowering text book prices and tuition? Do you think TCC would be a good choice for your goose children? -Rosemarie O'Connor, Editor in Chief
      • ANON HUMAN
        *kelso voice* VOICE
    *kelso voice* BURN
  3. The one thing I like about the geese is the one couple that lays their eggs every spring! I hope this year their eggs are better protected. My opinion is kinda skewed, none of the geese have honked at me or chased me in the time that I've been here.